Who would have thought

 

In the end

I still think about you

I make my way to your city

A bit scared to meet you coincidentally

A bit expectant honestly

What will I say?

What will I do?

Most importantly, it depends on you

What will you say?

How fast will you run away?

Are you willing to be someone I want but not who you are?

But I dare not reach out to you

For feeling so strong in leaving

Then having the nerve to regret it

Will the harm I bring outweigh the peace you gain?

In the end

Failing to keep my emotions in check again and again

© VJEQ

Poster Boy

He likes seeing my tears streaming down my cheeks
I bet it brought him that different kind of kick
Proudly claims he loves my smile, however
He is just a pleaser in everyone’s eyes
My smile was his validation, trophy for the winner

Stolen photo of mine in his empty wallet

He would never let himself love someone

More than he loved to invalidate my protests

Every night he would start a fight to spite me

He would push his way into my mind

Never thought it was a happy surprise

I keep thinking if chasing me around was fun

And settling down should be a punishment for a woman

The set of rules might as well burn me at the stake

Guilty of disapproving our love story called chase

I wonder if my smile exists not just to make you gloat

Is my presence by your side a stroke to your ego?

Is my happiness truly mine and not in your control?

What a shame, we dragged the years to prove a point

Our love showed the way to a pitiful course

Even on the sidewalk, you take the time to slowly walk

How come in hurting me, you do it in haste

Hesitance was not even painted on your face

Please step aside so that I can breathe

But I know you won't let me

It's not a compliment, you are so domineering

 

© VJEQ

Leaving This Palace Behind

The shackles called attachment, a young woman wept

Chained to a blooming peach blossom tree

Winter in the palace is famine for the lovesick

A lover full of vigour long before

No longer walking on the same road

Seems to never again call, this ghost

Willingly, she lifted a rock just to smash her own foot

Pitifully clinging to the roots of memories as they

Go on separate ways and drift away

Been drinking wine for so many years

She sat under the tree, drunkenly longing

It has been a rough lifetime, yet one couldn't turn back

She thought no one except her was sober

On the auspicious date of separation 

One must put down the wine cup

Long white silk to conclude this illusion later

For his heart has many occupants

She must stay awake, as he strolls on his way out 

The six palaces in her hands, she dare not want

Unwillingly, this ghost mindlessly 

Stares at the disappearing yellow dragon robe

Displeasing as it is a slippery slope

A thorn in her throat, she hoped

That she didn't get drunk with the man

Pouring her wine with gentle eyes

She fell asleep and he never stayed the night

How does one part with her own heart?

It is really the darkest when the dawn is about to break

In the morning when she woke

The bitter taste of heartbreak was apparent in the tea

Starving for home and yearning for relief

The body is intact but the soul has come adrift

 

© VJEQ

The Holes Of My Sweater

I am crumbling scratch papers

And wiping my snot with my pink sweater

Staring sadly at my failed goals

From the table of constraints, there is a–

Family photo I want to distance myself from

Apologies to my sweetest lover, even if 

I were there with you under the sheets

This will never give you the heat

I feel the chills in my fingertips

As I hold the coveted control in my hand

In the mirror, I see sanity in my tired eyes

I tried to hold back the manic laughter

Seems like a whole new change 

The scratches on my throat

I did it in frustration, desperate–

To make an escape for I can’t breathe

Addiction of mine is making a comeback

Another episode of self-destruction

© VJEQ

Fungible

Here is to more wishes he was here

To remove the guilt of him fleeing

He did not take with him

He should return my receipt–

But for what more use does it have

My being is not wholly mine

Just cold rotten milk waiting

Seal is broken, I cannot turn back 

I believe by only his hands

To pick me right back up

Because I was not replaceable

Until he put my value down

By him, I want to be disposed of

Contemplating–

To force me out of his shelf

Welcome, temporary bliss

He only knows me if he wants a tease

Someone to simmer down the craving he feels

© VJEQ

Escape Me, City

I am a dead vessel travelling alone in a city

An image of regret, and resentment, there are–

Street lights illuminating in my bloodshot eyes

Down to my lips, to my tear-streaked cheeks

Feels like a movie to reminisce under street lights

How ironic it is to feel blue under my own stars

Cold night and gazes isolate my reality, yet

Heat from the city itself is a comforting embrace

The wind in the bridge whistles silent pleads

It makes me want to jump and be left to drown

I want to watch the moonlight from the under

Let the water envelop me with nothingness

I know someone from here. Worthless but satisfying

A local who took the opportunity to bruise my lips

While my eyes were closed, and consent were loose

Thorns and grief rapidly grew on the cracks of the asphalt in my heart

Where that particular someone could fit right into

Wild grasses and dreams thrived scattered all over the deserted space

And here I am, barely fighting for a place to fill

I took a pill to calm my palpitating heart and feelings

Lean myself back on the clouds, and so did my inklings

Which are pointless

Just as my purpose of life, I am the–

Melancholic affection that seems like it’s everywhere in the city

But every time I try to confront it myself, it fades away

I know it lingers, in deep dark alleys of my mind

Where trash and I can be thrown away carelessly

The feeling may never go away

© VJEQ

Begging for What is Left

What is left to me

Is the question of when will you return

Will you ever?

Bring the sunflower back to my garden

Lay with me?

As the meteor shower grants us wishes

Our witness is the night sky 

Is there any possibility of you

Mustering the leftover affection 

From your heart

This might be silly to ask

Will you say the words 'I love you' again?

For I selfishly don’t want this to die

The greed of not wanting to let you leave

Is occupying my mind 

Every single time

Will you tell me?

When you come back

Will it be for the love or your goodbye

© VJEQ

You Placed My Glasses on the Nightstand

You forgot where you put my glasses

After the hours of mischief

Playing robbers and cops, the kisses

Will never let you go, my lifeline

We blame the goldfish, swimming

In the fishbowl silently waiting, scheming

Made you forget where the glasses are

Your version of me sadly deteriorated

In the depth of its fishbowl territory

Our arguments echo through the hall

In its tiny stone castle’s cold floor

Your stolen memories laid bare as a bone

In your bed, we’re trying to dig up

Important memories you must’ve misplaced

In your stay to the dreamscape

This could be romantic, if and only if–

I can pull you out of this situation

You’d be warming my hands, supposedly

But wiping tears on your face, regrettably

You are like, I love– who?

You don’t know what I am crying for

Forgot why you’ve loved me before

Desperation weighs more than my beliefs 

Let my tears be the offering to the gods 

You’ve become like an air bubble

Empty of recognition, I am now a stranger 

It’s fine if my glasses stay missing

If the condition is, you are found

© VJEQ

Your Prayers for Me

You go to church every lord's day

How can you pray while my nakedness 
Rewinds in your foul mind
You kneel before your god 
When you make me kneel before you a lot

 

When the blessed birds sing
I hope you hear my pleads for mercy
How will you escape your sins?
As the church bells ring





May you feel the weight of my hands
As I slap you on your chest and arms

Through you, and you, my blood shed on thy sheets

What will you do to make the most out of this?





To make the punishment worth getting
As you ask for forgiveness
Include me in your novenas
For I also need saving from the devil





I’ve created in the image of you.

© VJEQ