How The Story Ends

 

I say it is inevitable

The excitement and novelty eventually faded away

Exposing my lack of sincerity

The facade of my long-term sweet–

Feelings for you have crumbled and I admit blame

Compared to the joyous beginning

Our eyes are wetter at the end of the relationship

I was wrong for not knowing myself better

Leading you on then dropping you off

Sweeping the rug under your feet

Making you feel like somehow 

You have lost control of your life

Do not let my farewell hinder you from thriving

You had lived happily before us

The hole I have pierced in your heart

Surely, will soon heal and get better 

There is a fork in the road

And we would not be walking the same route ever again

© VJEQ

In This World

I am wearing shoes too large for me

Cautiously walking step by step 

Trying not to stumble on my feet

My shoulders hurt as if I am carrying a bookbag

Last time I checked, I am done with school

Why hasn't the weight on my back eased up?

I feel like throwing up

Empty my stomach, get rid of the butterflies

I feel like passing out

Find refuge in my dreams, never get up

I am a child masquerading as a grown-up

Few more days, they will find out

They might single me out

The world is big and I have poor eyesight

I am staring at the vast blue sky

From my lowly position on the ground

Blurred twinkling stars and out of my reach

I am wearing a skirt too long for me

Soaked in mudwater, stained at the ends

Afraid I might fall out of grace and lose face

I can never run with my all

I just stay still and look around in panic

Hoping someone will stop by and help me

I feel like I do not belong

Here and now, I want to escape and build my own world.

© VJEQ

The Outline of our Fate

I say, against everyone's objection

These legs will continue kneeling in worship

As proof of my devotion to you

It may be all against the odds

I shouldn't be treating you like a god

But how will the heart know its bottom line?

Is the uncertainty truly worth it

Or will I regret following you around?

My youth is yours, in your hands to exploit

My prayers are blasphemy

To the ears of your non-believers

I pity those ignorant 

They will never know how helpless I was

From the undercurrent pulling me down

To struggle my way up above the water

To catch a single breath and then struggle again

They will never know how hard it was

I have long been blinded

I have long been deaf

I long for the destruction you will cause

I will keep singing praises to your divinity 

Until you wish for my disappearance

I will be your follower

In the service of my undying passion for you

© VJEQ

Aloe Vera for that Burnt Love

We were in each other's flames

And burned out

We believed no one is leaving us 

Never not I knew, a thing or two

About leaving you

The lack of noise followed me around

I tried to seek the light of your smile

The high, and enlightenment it gives

But I was already out of reach

Never not I knew, you weren't the one

I tried to reason my way out

To avoid harming your heart

We hoped no one is giving up

But ashes were in your stead

I was the first to step back

Apologies for ruining us

© VJEQ

Time

Have you ever felt like the bathroom is your only safe haven?

For silence is all I wish since space I cannot crave

Same empty eyes looking for a place of comfortable stay

It has been a year of repetitive routines in the morning, noon, and night

I didn't know being hopeful will only get you tearful

Time is against us, am I wrong to leave you and my baggage behind?

Out of my sight and slowly slipping out of my mind

Too heavy to carry around, too tiring to keep the pace up

The walls of the bath are a convenient shoulder to cry on

A wonderful distraction of a running shower, splattering water

'Till then while I wait, I remain alone with mountain of thoughts

Look for me like stick in hay, you are running out of days

Before entering the long tunnel ahead of you, can you find me though? 

© VJEQ

The Holes Of My Sweater

I am crumbling scratch papers

And wiping my snot with my pink sweater

Staring sadly at my failed goals

From the table of constraints, there is a–

Family photo I want to distance myself from

Apologies to my sweetest lover, even if 

I were there with you under the sheets

This will never give you the heat

I feel the chills in my fingertips

As I hold the coveted control in my hand

In the mirror, I see sanity in my tired eyes

I tried to hold back the manic laughter

Seems like a whole new change 

The scratches on my throat

I did it in frustration, desperate–

To make an escape for I can’t breathe

Addiction of mine is making a comeback

Another episode of self-destruction

© VJEQ

Fungible

Here is to more wishes he was here

To remove the guilt of him fleeing

He did not take with him

He should return my receipt–

But for what more use does it have

My being is not wholly mine

Just cold rotten milk waiting

Seal is broken, I cannot turn back 

I believe by only his hands

To pick me right back up

Because I was not replaceable

Until he put my value down

By him, I want to be disposed of

Contemplating–

To force me out of his shelf

Welcome, temporary bliss

He only knows me if he wants a tease

Someone to simmer down the craving he feels

© VJEQ

Escape Me, City

I am a dead vessel travelling alone in a city

An image of regret, and resentment, there are–

Street lights illuminating in my bloodshot eyes

Down to my lips, to my tear-streaked cheeks

Feels like a movie to reminisce under street lights

How ironic it is to feel blue under my own stars

Cold night and gazes isolate my reality, yet

Heat from the city itself is a comforting embrace

The wind in the bridge whistles silent pleads

It makes me want to jump and be left to drown

I want to watch the moonlight from the under

Let the water envelop me with nothingness

I know someone from here. Worthless but satisfying

A local who took the opportunity to bruise my lips

While my eyes were closed, and consent were loose

Thorns and grief rapidly grew on the cracks of the asphalt in my heart

Where that particular someone could fit right into

Wild grasses and dreams thrived scattered all over the deserted space

And here I am, barely fighting for a place to fill

I took a pill to calm my palpitating heart and feelings

Lean myself back on the clouds, and so did my inklings

Which are pointless

Just as my purpose of life, I am the–

Melancholic affection that seems like it’s everywhere in the city

But every time I try to confront it myself, it fades away

I know it lingers, in deep dark alleys of my mind

Where trash and I can be thrown away carelessly

The feeling may never go away

© VJEQ

Begging for What is Left

What is left to me

Is the question of when will you return

Will you ever?

Bring the sunflower back to my garden

Lay with me?

As the meteor shower grants us wishes

Our witness is the night sky 

Is there any possibility of you

Mustering the leftover affection 

From your heart

This might be silly to ask

Will you say the words 'I love you' again?

For I selfishly don’t want this to die

The greed of not wanting to let you leave

Is occupying my mind 

Every single time

Will you tell me?

When you come back

Will it be for the love or your goodbye

© VJEQ