Last Apology Letter

 
My goodnight messages keep getting shorter 
You are so oblivious that I cannot bring it up

My chest feels heavy thinking of how—
You dispelled the loneliness in my heart 

And now, I can afford happiness without depending on you

I am thinking of ending us
For the last time, show me your kindness
I hope to find it in your heart to forgive me

For my selfish departure, to spend this accumulated happiness
Somewhere you are not included

Putting a stop to this
I want to end us

And I don't want to waste your youth
Don't want to prolong your happiness—
As a result of my false affection, I show you

My deeply concealed loss of love for you
Forgive me for my treacherous deed

I plan to push that piece of domino
At a time you will not be entirely crushed underneath

Even if I am leaving, know that at some point
My feelings were madly real and I badly wanted to stay

But not anymore

For the sake of old times
I will cautiously take a step back
One after the other
I slowly slip away from your grasp

For the following years, I will spend this happiness wisely

To commemorate your contribution to fixing up my broken pieces
I will honour your love and sacrifices for the rest of my life

And I will forever hate myself for being the traitor that I am to you

© VJEQ

In This World

I am wearing shoes too large for me

Cautiously walking step by step 

Trying not to stumble on my feet

My shoulders hurt as if I am carrying a bookbag

Last time I checked, I am done with school

Why hasn't the weight on my back eased up?

I feel like throwing up

Empty my stomach, get rid of the butterflies

I feel like passing out

Find refuge in my dreams, never get up

I am a child masquerading as a grown-up

Few more days, they will find out

They might single me out

The world is big and I have poor eyesight

I am staring at the vast blue sky

From my lowly position on the ground

Blurred twinkling stars and out of my reach

I am wearing a skirt too long for me

Soaked in mudwater, stained at the ends

Afraid I might fall out of grace and lose face

I can never run with my all

I just stay still and look around in panic

Hoping someone will stop by and help me

I feel like I do not belong

Here and now, I want to escape and build my own world.

© VJEQ

Aloe Vera for that Burnt Love

We were in each other's flames

And burned out

We believed no one is leaving us 

Never not I knew, a thing or two

About leaving you

The lack of noise followed me around

I tried to seek the light of your smile

The high, and enlightenment it gives

But I was already out of reach

Never not I knew, you weren't the one

I tried to reason my way out

To avoid harming your heart

We hoped no one is giving up

But ashes were in your stead

I was the first to step back

Apologies for ruining us

© VJEQ

Time

Have you ever felt like the bathroom is your only safe haven?

For silence is all I wish since space I cannot crave

Same empty eyes looking for a place of comfortable stay

It has been a year of repetitive routines in the morning, noon, and night

I didn't know being hopeful will only get you tearful

Time is against us, am I wrong to leave you and my baggage behind?

Out of my sight and slowly slipping out of my mind

Too heavy to carry around, too tiring to keep the pace up

The walls of the bath are a convenient shoulder to cry on

A wonderful distraction of a running shower, splattering water

'Till then while I wait, I remain alone with mountain of thoughts

Look for me like stick in hay, you are running out of days

Before entering the long tunnel ahead of you, can you find me though? 

© VJEQ