Last Apology Letter

 
My goodnight messages keep getting shorter 
You are so oblivious that I cannot bring it up

My chest feels heavy thinking of how—
You dispelled the loneliness in my heart 
And now, I can afford happiness without depending on you

I am thinking of ending us
For the last time, show me your kindness
I hope to find it in your heart to forgive me

For my selfish departure, to spend this accumulated happiness
Somewhere you are not included

Putting a stop to this
I want to end us
And I don't want to waste your youth
Don't want to prolong your happiness—
As a result of my false affection, I show you

My deeply concealed loss of love for you
Forgive me for my treacherous deed

I plan to push that piece of domino
At a time you will not be entirely crushed underneath

Even if I am leaving, know that at some point
My feelings were madly real and I badly wanted to stay

But not anymore

For the sake of old times
I will cautiously take a step back
One after the other
I slowly slip away from your grasp

For the following years, I will spend this happiness wisely

To commemorate your contribution to fixing up my broken pieces
I will honour your love and sacrifices for the rest of my life

And I will forever hate myself for being the traitor that I am to you



© VJEQ
at
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In This World


I am wearing shoes too large for me

Cautiously walking step by step 

Trying not to stumble on my feet

My shoulders hurt as if I am carrying a bookbag


Last time I checked, I am done with school

Why hasn't the weight on my back eased up?


I feel like throwing up

Empty my stomach, get rid of the butterflies

I feel like passing out

Find refuge in my dreams, never get up


I am a child masquerading as a grown-up

Few more days, they will find out

They might single me out


The world is big and I have poor eyesight

I am staring at the vast blue sky

From my lowly position on the ground


Blurred twinkling stars and out of my reach


I am wearing a skirt too long for me

Soaked in mudwater, stained at the ends


Afraid I might fall out of grace and lose face

I can never run with my all


I just stay still and look around in panic

Hoping someone will stop by and help me


I feel like I do not belong

Here and now, I want to escape and build my own world.




© VJEQ
at
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